current desktop background…which i change every 2 days hahaha narcissistic? or maybe i’m just bored. or maybe just maybe i am indeed bored lol
its a love hate relationship
and I keep reminding myself to exercise and control my eating portions but whenever I “forgot” to, I tell myself that there’s always tomorrow and the cycle goes on and on until entah bila. so pathetic. why am i so lazy? WHY WHY WHYYYYY Y Y Y Y Y Y Y. I’m so jellz of my friends who are slowly shedding their fats, looking as gorgeous as ever…and then there’s fat little qilly. sudah pun pendek, lampuh lagi. okay, I shouldn’t be complaining about my height cos the main issue here is my weight. ugh. mau kurus tapi malas exercise.
I’d like to blame the people who kept asking me out to eat but then, I ask people out to eat too BUT STILL why can’t I say no? WHY. what’s so hard about it? two letters, one word, one syllable: N.O. NO.
“Hey Qils, lets go out for lunch!” “Nawww, I’m not up for it.”
“Qils! Hi-tea at (insert name of restaurant/cafe)” “no, its okay. you go ahead.”
“Qillyyyy! I’m bored. Let’s go eat!” “Hey! let’s study instead!”
okay. the last one…not gonna happen but you get the picture. If i can type/say it in my head, WHY CAN’T I REALY ACTUALLY SAY IT? WHY WHY WHYYYYYY Y Y Y Y Y YY Y YY Y YY Y Y Y YYYY Y.
I love food, and I hate it. I need a break from it. We should see little of each other. I need more space to think.
I need…water.
gosh. I’m so hungry!
i ate. the whole day.
and i have to keep reminding myself of how blessed and thankful i should be/feel compared to the poor Africans, instead of feeling guilty for giving into temptations but i swear, i was tricked into eating. so much for controlling my eating portions. i did eat healthy, though. so i hope that counts? or i’m just trying to assure myself that its okay…whatever.
afternoon class got cancelled…again. i think, i love my lecturer. kinda. maybe. no. not really. okay lah. sikit saja. so, i spent my afternoon…eating. craycray! someone should slap me whenever i try to grab something to munch on.
i can’t feel my cheeks when people pinch it. I CAN’T. it doesn’t hurt any more. its grab-able! no like. no like. no like.
i looked over the list of what i ate for the past few weeks (i’ve been told that this method works when you wanna lose a few KGs) and i ate banyak. berabis. kalah lembu tapi lembu makan grass saja, so a lembu is much more healthier than me :( kries.
but anyways, i’ve been clean from the stuff i can eat but can’t for weeks now. its cool. i’ve withdrawals but i can handle it, sometimes.
godknows why i’m spending my time here when i should finish up the mountainous load of assignments and a couple of overdue tutorial tasks.
approximately 3 weeks till exams; less than 4 weeks till semester break! gotta work hard and study for shiz to make this all worthwhile.
xx
Awkward moment when…
your ex-bestfriend’s psycho girlfriend who was the reason why you can’t be friends anymore calls you up crying—pouring her heart out and begging you to convince your so-called-“bestfriend” to take her back. say what.
bitch please. we’re not friends anymore, remember? heck, i’m not even YOUR friend.
can you prove them wrong?
okay fine
banarnya I’m all kusut cos dad said its now a “maybe” when he previously already gave me the green lights.
sue me for getting upset over this but I’ve been waiting for this all myyyyyy lifeeeeeeeeeee~ I prayed for someone like youuuuu and I hope that you do the same thing tooooooooooo~
